I'm no love specialist but I'd like to think I have experienced love a few times during my adult life...at least I'd like to think so.
TYPe 1: Fairy-tale love
The serendipitous Prince Charming kind of love.
Thought I'd end up with Fonz but it wasn't a match...
The first boyfriend I ever had, I thought our relationship was going to last forever. I had the biggest crush on him while in high school and when he finally asked me out on our first date I thought I was the shit.
Thinking back on it now I can't help but to laugh. I went over to my girlfriend's house to finish getting ready. She helped me with my makeup (I had no idea how to really do makeup at the time, shout out to Meeks!), she gave me some tips on how not to be so awkward, and she sent me on my merry way.
I picked him up and we went to the beach. We spent two hours there just talking and awkwardly flirting (at least on my end). I thought the night couldn't get any better, but...As it started getting closer to the end of the night, he kissed me! Sparks flew and I was sprung.
Fast forward to fall of freshman year in college. We continued dating and tried doing the whole long distance thing. For me it was no big issue but apparently to him it was a make or break decision. He broke up with me 6 weeks before the spring semester was over. I was absolutely crushed. The guy that I was so convinced I was in LOVE with just ended things and my fairy-tale story was officially over.
So what did I learn?
What works for you doesn't work for everyone else- although I was fine with the distance, that's not what he needed at the time.
What is love anyway?- I won't knock other people's experiences, but what I used to perceive as love is what I would now call lust and stupidity lol. It was nice while it lasted but I learned not to put so much pressure and expectations on a situations that are so new for both people.
How did I move on?
emotional support from my tribe- My girl friends and sisters are probably so tired of being my personal Oprah but I can honestly say that having them to talk to made an impact on how I moved on.
Stage 2: Hard Love
The bring you to your knees type of love.
and for Wayne i'm so thankful...
The second boyfriend I ever had was for sure my hard love. I'm sure after he reads this post he'll have some words for me lol. Anyways.....
We actually met my freshman year in college when I went to go visit one of my girlfriends at her school. We all went to a party and when he approached me to dance I rejected him because I had a boyfriend at the time (the fairy-tale guy). Of course he wasn't going down without a fight so eventually I said yes to ONE dance. That one dance lasted 4 songs.
My sophomore year I ended up transferring schools and long behold who was one of orientation leaders?....Ding ding ding! The hard love boyfriend! So of course everyone thought it was a sign, including myself.
We dated for a whilllllleeeeee, 3-4ish years. It definitely had some high points however, we were in what I can NOW identity as hard love.
We broke up just as many times as we made up. It was almost as if we couldn't get enough of each other's bullshit. We both wanted it to work out so bad that we were willing to compromise on so many things. Until things just became too much.
So what did I learn?
Its okay to love someone and not be with them- I could confidently say that we had and still do have a pretty good friendship. We just couldn't make it work romantically..
If at first you don’t succeed take it as a hint sis- don't over compromise on something that isn't working for you. It's okay to choose you.
It's okay to want to make someone happy but never at your own expense- You've ever heard of the expression you can't pour from an empty cup? Well it makes perfect sense, I couldn't expect to be my happiest if I had poured everything I had into him and left nothing for myself.
How did I move on?
Therapy- sometimes having someone that has no background or bias on the situation could really help you realize somethings you did wrong but also identify where things could have gone differently.
Take time for you- everyone feels the need to be connected to everyone, especially on social media. However, seeing someone on your timeline every day that you're trying to get over isn't going to help. So take the time for you. You can either delete or block them from your social media or take a break. Yes people can delete their social media apps and still have life go on until they are ready to get back on.
Closure- after some time passed, I was able to have a conversation with my ex and really address all of the issues we had and was able to walk away with a clear head. Closure can sometimes be hard to get but if you can, it does help.
type 3: Never seen it coming love
Literally just that. You never see It coming.
This one I'm still waiting on.
This type of love is the kind that well, you never see coming. It sometimes comes from the friend you never thought you'd fall for or the person that's been right in front of your eyes the whole time. It could be the person you met on the train or the person your friend put you on with.
You'll find yourself taking a chance and then falling in love. You'll start wondering what's wrong with this person, what am I missing, what is going to go wrong? But then again maybe there isn't anything missing and this is just what you deserve.
It ends up working out so well because you don't know what to expect. You can move freely into your relationship without carrying your baggage from your past.
Of course this is all me assuming but it sounds good doesn't it?
If you're in this stage sis let me know when you get blindsided by love. I'll be here patiently waiting.
One taught me love, one taught me patience, both taught me pain, now I'm amazing...
The year after my final break up (hard love), I learned so much about myself. Which is usually what happens when you go through this phase. I learned what I was willing to put up with in my next relationship and what I wasn't.
However the greatest lesson I learned, that we often skip out on is how to love myself. In the famous words of queen diva RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
I hope these tips help you learn how to love yourself and grow confident in your wonderful, beautiful, powerful self.
Don't wait for someone else to call you beautiful, do it yourself first
Be in control of your own happiness
Wanna go on a date? Take yourself, spend time with yourself and get to know you.
If it isn't working move on, don't wait for a miracle
Pray on it (unless you're an atheist, then fam I don't have the answers Sway)
Like Ariana Grande said,
I'm so f****** thankful for my ex <3