Talk Dirty To Me: An Introduction to Narratophilia

Written by Lorraine

Narratophilla is a sexual fetish in which an indivual derives sexual pleasure from the use of dirty talk, sex stories, or having conversations about sex. This can include story telling  by one partner to another during or before sex, erotic literature, cyber sex, or phone sex. In this day and age, texting or how we call it sexting, has become a way to turn someone on in both the sending and receiving end. These stories, dirty talk, and conversations can happen in a casual or common place and most often describe images of any sexy, erotic and pleasurable encounter you can imagine.

I can remember to the exact details of the first book I read that had full blown details of sex. I was in middle school, 8th grade to be exact. The book was called Forever by Judy Blume and was recommended by my English teacher during a trip to Barnes and Noble. I'll never know if Ms. Madel knew that this young adult romance novel indeed had fullblown details of sex (kind of inapporpirate right?) but I hope she knows that with her book reccomdation, I fell DEEP into a love for reading romance and erotic fiction. All throughout high school, I proudly read every fiction novel in my school's library that had at least one of the following themes: romance, SEX, drama, young teen love, mystery, music, drugs and crime. Needless to say, I read A LOT. As I continued to read the books off the shelf, the sexier, crazier, wilder, adult-themed and more sexually-detailed the stories got. It didn't stop at my school's library. I began raiding my older sister's book shelf,  going to public libraries where there are endless amounts of urban romance and adult fiction, explored countless online fan fiction or smut as some call it, and engaged in online, text, and phone sexual conversations to get pleasure from the explicit details described in each story.

I find it so interesting there is no real talk, data, or research about this. In the 1986 book Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin, it is claimed that MEN are more common to narratophila than WOMEN! In 2019, this can not be more FALSE with men presumely being the main consumer of pornagraphy and women being the main consumer of romance and erotic fiction. Do men need the extra visual and auditory content for arousal, not just written or spoken words? Do women have a preference for the content they enjoy for arousal?  Given that so many people appear to use narratophilic elements in their everyday dating and sex lives, I enjoyed discovering their is an actual term for this common fetish and reccomend those to give it a try when you are trying to feel sexy!

Here’s a few SAFE tips in exploring your inner narratophiliac:

  • READ READ READ : Romance novels and erotica are not just for middle-aged and lonely housewives anymore! This genre of fiction is rooted from sexual imagination and exploration. There is a story out there about every single fantasy you may have out there and I am welcome to share a few hot reads I found along the way.

  • Tastefully SECURED Nudes : In the age of sexting, unsolicited penis pictures, hacking and revenge leaking of nude pictures, you must protect yourself when taking and sending explicit photos. Remember consent is sexy, everything on the internet stays on the internet (even on Snapchat guys, there is a whole backup database), and consider hiding any identifying features in the pictures (that includes your face, tattoos, and birthmarks)

  • Trust & Communication: Regardless how long you and your partner have been together, having a discussion about expectations, safety, and exploring fantasies when it comes to sexting can be sexy. Are you into flirty or dirty text messages? When sending videos and pictures, what are the saving and deleting policies? Do you want your sexting partner to only send you messages at home or does private NSFW messages turn you on when you are actually at work (*wink*naughtynaughty*wink*) Set your ground rules and don’t be afraid to rejet options that make you feel vulnerable or not sexy at all. 

  • Dirty Talk for Beginners: Dirty talk can seem daunting for the shy ones but have no fear, I am here to ease you into something that can be so fun. By simply talking about 1) How you feel in the exact moment, 2) Talk about what you want to do, and 3) Talk about what you want for them to do to you , you are opening yourself up to communicating your own sexual desires and talking dirtier than ever before!

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