Ladies, have y'all ever had a situation that stopped you dead in your tracks and made you rethink everything? I mean like your self worth, your purpose, your goals, your standards...like everything.
Well, I recently had one and lets just say I didn't see it coming.
I have always been someone who thought they were super confident and sure of who they were but this event in particular made me check myself. Long story short, I had a scheduled meet-up with a guy I have been seeing through a dating app, and well on our way to what I perceived as a “date”, mid conversation the guy I was talking to said "I don't want to date you".
Y'alllllllll when I tell you my jaw dropped, it dropped.
At first I was shocked because I never even said I wanted to “date” him. All I said was I wanted to go on a date (which is why I was in the car in the first place). Apparently to men, dating and going on dates are the same thing (I was not aware of this).
Then, my neck cocked back because what he said had settled in. You don't wanna date me? I'm hella awesome whaaaaaatttt?
After I got out of the car I called my sister and told her what happened and she dropped some wise words on ya girl. Through our conversation, I realized something somewhat problematic and this could just be my opinion (I know I'm old school when it comes to dating). You wanted to have my conversation, have my time, have my affection but didn't want to date me?
So being the over thinker that I am, I poured some wine turned on some netflix and began this internal conversation with myself lol. Why is it ok for you to benefit from all of my magic without me getting a return on my investment? Now y'all I did not plan on marrying the man, like I said I didn't even decide if he was someone I wanted to date. But going back to that very moment of him saying he didn't want to date me sparked something in me.
In today's dating world, people expect for you to give them your all at a drop of a dime, a like, or a swipe right but don't want to actually be with you. Now I know some of y'all are reading this and are like "titles aren't important", "what's understood between us is what matters", blah blah blah. That's cool and all I won't yuck your yum but at what point does that begin to affect your personal self worth and standards? The more I see things on social media or even on tv, take Love and Hip Hop for example, the more I wonder if this is what our dating culture is going to be from here on out.
Are we really going to start accepting being a side piece as the gold standard? Is her man really better than no man? Is actually investing time in someone a bad thing? Well, I may not have all the answers but young queens, old queens, middle age queens, it doesn't matter at what point you are in your reign, you deserve respect, commitment, time, and energy. It's your choice if you want to settle for less but sis, your magic glitters and is gold, don't waste that.
But don't get me wrong, I learned a lot about myself that day:
1. I am totally datable
2. My time is not for everybody
3. It okay to not compromise on what I want
4. I can beat my face for the gawds in 5 mins
When telling someone off make sure you keep it classy and cute