Seasons of Sincerity: On Making Consent Sexy

Written by LAUX

***Explicit language***

I find myself at a WeWork Christmas party and drunk off my ass. He was wearing a hat indoors, a Fedora specifically, and I felt the need to walk over to him and let him know how pretentious I thought that was. What started as a bit of banter, turned into an hour long conversation until finally he asked me:

Can I kiss you?

From there, everything happened fast. We were suddenly in an uber, then in his home, then in his bed. Every moment there was consent along the way. The pace I was used to, but asking whether or not I wanted something

Can I stick my fingers in you as deep as they will go?

Are you gonna let me eat this pussy?

I couldn't even focus on how good the sex was because I was confused by the amount of consent Fedora was asking for. Needless to say I’m floored.

It doesn’t take long until he has me on all fours.

Can I fuck your asshole baby?

I stop and I blink. I have always wanted to try, but I think of not having lube. I think of my recent anal fissure and decide that maybe today is not the best idea.

I could feel the nerves bubbling in my stomach. Should I just flat out say no flat out? Should I soften the blow? How will he respond? Will he get mad at me? I just met this man today, what if he flips out on me? What if he is annoyed at me? I take a deep breath. And summon up a tiny bit of courage.

Not today

He leans down over me and whispers into my ear.

No worries love

And in that moment it feels like everything has come full circle and a life-long lesson has been solidified.

It’s okay. I can say no. I don’t have to hold my breath in anxiety before I say it. I don’t have to muster up courage. I don’t even have to give it a thought. I can just say no.

And there are some people out there who will get mad about it, who will pressure me, who won’t respect my boundaries. But there are others who care about what I think and ask to be clear. Who will respect me as a human being with agency even when I voice something that they don’t want to hear. Who will not treat my no as a source of annoyance. In this world there exists a place:

Where I can just say no.

So as we continue celebrating the residuals of Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to ask yourself: What am I doing to ensure that my partner is comfortable? How I am creating space so that my partner can say no? Let’s be creative in celebrating the sexiness that is consent.

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